PFC Chapter 219 The Ruthless and Disabled Crown Prince (119)
Chapter 219 The Ruthless and Disabled Crown Prince (119)
She was the one who started making excuses for others, but only because she met Ji Shuqin's gaze.
Ji Shumin still remembered Ji Shuqin's gaze, which was peaceful, frank, and gentle. Although it was annoying, Ji Shumin never really disliked or resented him.
Even those days spent in the mountains were the same.
Ji Shuqin was unaware that he and his mother loathed each other. Every time he went up the mountain, it was only because his mother wanted to see him being controlled by her and unable to break free, so that she could get the elixir in exchange for her pleasure.
Ji Shuqin believed that he and his mother were a loving and filial couple, and that with his mediation, they would eventually become close and affectionate...
Ji Shumin felt nauseous, but he couldn't vomit on the spot.
Those resentments and hatreds were real, already broken and irreconcilable, only he, the emperor's brother, couldn't see it.
Ji Shumin once thought with malice and mockery: perhaps it was precisely because of his stupidity and dullness that he was favored by the Empress Dowager. Only the foolish live the most carefree lives, being used by others and still feeling happy that the other party is kind-hearted.
But after thinking it over, Ji Shumin felt utterly bored. He couldn't bring himself to be annoyed by Ji Shuqin. In fact... when he was angry and cursed and ridiculed him in his heart, he couldn't help but feel guilty. He was too sincere, which only made him seem dark and unapproachable.
Before meeting Lu Liruan, there was a period when Ji Shumin was tormented to the point of being neither human nor ghost.
The first time Lu Liruan saw Ji Shumin, he had slowly walked out on his own, but he was still the same. Because of his shrewdness and calculating nature, Lu Liruan never thought that Ji Shumin had ever been so weak and crazy.
Ji Shumin did not tell Lu Liruan everything. Although he had promised Lu Liruan that he would not hide anything from her, the past events had changed, making it difficult for Ji Shumin to speak of them.
When he first went up the mountain after spending several months in bed, the Empress looked at his legs, which were covered by a blanket, with a cold and indifferent gaze.
"What use are you now that you're crippled?" Her words were like needles piercing to the bone. No one in the palace dared to speak so bluntly to Ji Shumin, but the Empress stabbed those two words into his heart.
That was the first time Ji Shumin had heard the word "disabled," and in that instant, he understood that these two words would forever accompany him...
When he came out, Ji Shuqin stood tall and elegant, with his hands behind his back, his posture as straight as a pine tree. He looked down at him with pity and sorrow. In order to see his expression clearly, he could only raise his head.
For the first time, Ji Shumin had the most vicious thought: Why was he able to stay away from the cruel struggles and live a carefree life? How come he didn't die of illness back then?
The thought had barely crossed his mind when his body jolted violently, and the wheelchair wobbled over a rock!
The little eunuch pushing the wheelchair knelt down, trembling like a leaf, and kowtowed, muttering, "Your Highness, please forgive me!" as if he himself had been tyrannical and indiscriminate.
Ji Shumin ignored him, and instead stood there blankly for a moment before snapping out of his daze and realizing what he had just been thinking.
With great effort, Ji Shumin propped up his weak upper body, turned around, and looked at the temple bathed in the soft glow of the evening light, his fingertips twisting the prayer beads on his wrist one by one.
It was all my own evil thought, not meant to be real. I pray that the gods and Buddhas will not be angry...
He repeated it to himself over and over.
When Ji Shuqin met him again, the more meticulously Ji Shuqin cared for him, the more Ji Shumin looked at him, the more the guilt and delusions in his heart tormented him, without end.
When Ji Shuqin first mentioned the Empress, the malice that had been dormant in his heart for a long time and soothed by his life of comfort and gentleness suddenly resurfaced in this cold and miserable situation.
Ji Shuqin must know something...
How could he not sense that his elder brother was merely pure-hearted and not truly stupid?
Ji Shumin looked at him with a half-smile, without saying a word, savoring the pain and struggle in Ji Shuqin's expression, who looked at him with undisguised sorrow and pity.
Ji Shumin was in so much pain that his whole body felt like it was about to fall apart, but he didn't care at all.
Ji Shumin forced himself to stay upright, but just as he lowered his eyes to endure the suffocating feeling and took a deep breath, and then looked up at Ji Shuqin, he saw a clear, bright color in the dim and chaotic light.
Ji Shuqin turned his head away, instantly concealing his thoughts.
But that helpless and melancholy sense of guilt spread through Ji Shumin's heart again, like being whipped, a sharp and persistent pain...
He was despicably tormenting Ji Shuqin with his kindness and care. Otherwise, it wouldn't be unreasonable for Ji Shuqin to ignore him and ridicule him in this way.
He was using his brother's conscience and brotherly affection to bind him with shackles of consciousness.
The despicable and bitter person is oneself...
Before Ji Shumin had even thought it through, the words of excuse had already slipped out.
Perhaps she wanted her brother to experience the pain and struggle she was going through, but sometimes, why bother? Did she want him to become like her?
Ji Shumin did not want his gaze upon him, or his view of the world, to change...
It is true that the Empress issued a blank imperial edict, but there is no need to delve into the purpose behind it.
After Ji Shumin finished speaking, he said with a hint of self-deprecation: When did I become so soft-hearted and afraid of making people sad?
Perhaps... she learned it from Li Ruan?
Li Ruan possesses the most passionate and tender heart in the world; having her makes everything else bearable...
Upon hearing Ji Shumin's words, Ji Shuqin looked bewildered for a moment, then let out a long sigh. He smiled slightly, but there was no real joy in his eyes.
"Is that so..." he simply replied.
Ji Shumin guessed that he didn't believe it; if it were him, he certainly wouldn't have believed it.
But this is not something I can continue talking about.
"Min'er, where do you feel unwell?" Ji Shuqin noticed that no matter how he moved Ji Shumin, Ji Shumin's complexion and breathing rate were abnormal: "I'll call the imperial physician!"
“No need.” Ji Shumin grabbed his arm.
"Take me back to my residence."
"Huh?" Ji Shuqin didn't react for a moment, but then he realized that Ji Shumin wanted to go back to see Lu Liruan. He could sense that his younger brother and sister-in-law were very close and inseparable, and there was no way to fake it.
Having just experienced so much in such a short time, Ji Shuqin was overwhelmed with emotion and unable to calm down. He couldn't process it all, feeling neither excitement nor joy, only emptiness and helplessness.
She had thought that Ji Shumin would say something to her, tell her what to do, and that she could stay in the palace for a while, but she didn't expect that Ji Shumin only wanted to go home to see his wife.
Ji Shuqin was speechless, unsure how to express his thoughts to Ji Shumin. He could only say dryly, "Min'er, why don't you go to my palace and let the imperial physician take a good look at you? If you go back like this, I'm afraid it will make your sister-in-law anxious and upset."
Ji Shumin thought to himself, "I've seen everything about Li Ruan."
He could understand Ji Shuqin's true meaning. After thinking for a moment, he still felt that what he said made some sense. Although Li Ruan was strong and had seen himself in bad shape, he still tried his best not to worry her. It wouldn't be too late for him to tidy himself up before leaving the palace.
"Hmm." Ji Shumin leaned back, exhausted, letting Ji Shuqin half-drag and half-pull him onto the wheelchair and push him out.
The thunderstorm had stopped sometime earlier, and night had completely fallen. The downpour seemed to have washed away all the dark clouds and gloom from the sky, leaving only a clear, cold night sky.
Unlike the foul smell inside the hall, the cool air mixed with the fragrance of earth filled Ji Shumin's nostrils, and he felt that the tightness and pain in his chest had improved a lot.
In a rather pleasant mood, she casually picked a flower from the roadside, its soft stem wrapped around her slender fingertips, a stark contrast to the silent Ji Shuqin behind her.
"Why does Your Majesty seem so distressed?" Ji Shumin asked, knowing the answer already.
"What will happen tomorrow?" Ji Shuqin sighed softly, releasing one hand and patting Ji Shumin on the head: "Min'er seems to be staying out of it."
Caught off guard by his sudden slap, Ji Shumin turned his head in surprise, and his expression at that moment amused Ji Shuqin.
"I'm not a child anymore..."
When they were very young, Ji Shuqin liked to tease him like this. Seeing his younger brother, who was always serious but seemed like a little adult, looking surprised and astonished was a common trick Ji Shuqin used when they were young.
The palace servants followed at a distance, and none of them noticed anything amiss. One of them stepped forward and asked the eldest prince to help push the third prince's wheelchair.
Ji Shuqin walked slowly, and the two brothers chatted idly along the way. It was meaningless, but they hadn't felt this peaceful feeling in a long time.
When Ji Shuqin returned to his palace, it was already very late. While waiting in the hall, a palace maid came over and asked him what was wrong. Only then did Ji Shuqin realize that it was already past dinner time.
He hurriedly ordered the meal. He himself didn't care, but his frail younger brother...
Ji Shumin had no idea how Ji Shuqin described himself in his heart.
He hasn't eaten much since last night. The meals that were sent to him probably had all sorts of weird stuff added to them. Ji Shumin felt nauseous just from the smell, let alone being able to eat them.
He had no appetite now. He ate a bowl of congee with some pickled vegetables for a while, but there was still more than half a bowl left, which made Ji Shuqin frown.
"Min'er, take some more, but don't upset your stomach."
"I can't eat anymore..." Ji Shumin was getting tired of eating, and with his eyes downcast, he wanted to put down his bowl.
But then Ji Shuqin suddenly said, "You can't stay like this. You need to take good care of yourself. When I take you back to your residence, I will definitely explain everything to your sister-in-law."
Ji Shuqin's use of the word "explain" was quite meaningful.
Ji Shumin: ...
His Highness the Third Prince is fearless in all things, but this is indeed his weakness.
He raised an eyebrow, looked at Ji Shuqin without saying a word, and his expression conveyed what he wanted to say: Why are you still using this trick?
Ji Shuqin appeared somewhat smug. His previously distressed and helpless expression faded, and he returned to his usual demeanor, smiling gently and warmly: "This wasn't my own idea; my sister-in-law told me about it."
Ji Shuqin blinked, his expression becoming more serious and gentle: "Your sister-in-law once said that you are slippery and full of twisted logic, and very difficult to deal with. You don't even care about your own health. If you don't listen to what I say that is good for your health in the future, just tell her, and she will come and argue with you carefully!"
Ji Shuqin paused for a moment, noticing Ji Shumin's furrowed brows, and continued, "I presume your wife has a way to help you take good care of your health..."
Ji Shumin breathed a sigh of relief and picked up the spoon again: "Li Ruan really is thinking of me all the time."
Thinking of Lu Liruan, Ji Shumin finally finished swallowing a small bowl of porridge and put the bowl down as if he had completed his task. Meanwhile, Ji Shuqin's expression had become serious again.
"Min'er, what happened today..."
"Is Your Majesty referring to the matter of overseeing the country?" Ji Shumin saw what he was trying to say.
"That was not what I wanted, nor were the words of those courtiers arranged by me."
When Ji Shuling left, his resentful expression clearly showed that he felt everything was arranged by Ji Shuqin. He never expected Ji Shuqin to suddenly pull such a stunt, after all, Ji Shuqin had always appeared to be indifferent to worldly affairs, as if the disturbances and struggles could not touch his heart, and he was unmoved by them.
Unexpectedly, it was all an act! Ji Shuling thought bitterly.
“I know it wasn’t my elder brother who did it.” Ji Shumin nodded: “My elder brother wouldn’t stoop to such a thing.”
Ji Shuqin wanted to say that he not only disdained such methods, but also that he had made no contribution to the regency and had never considered that one day the responsibility would fall on his shoulders.
But he swallowed his words; he didn't want Ji Shumin to think of him as a weak and irresponsible older brother...
"Why is Your Majesty unwilling?" Ji Shumin asked softly. "Now that Father is in such a state, it is not inappropriate for Your Majesty to act as regent."
Ji Shuqin pursed his lips into a straight line: "Min'er, I am not you. I did not grow up in the palace, nor do I have the talent to govern a country. Entrusting the world to someone like me would bring no benefit whatsoever."
Ji Shuqin finally revealed his true feelings. He had kept these words in his heart, not knowing who to tell. His mother never listened to him. Ever since his mother could no longer hide her thoughts, she refused to listen to any of Ji Shuqin's explanations and insisted that he follow his own wishes.
Ji Shumin paused for a moment, then asked in a deep voice, "Isn't there anything you, my royal brother, would like to do? The court and the world are all at your disposal, you can receive the homage of all directions and realize your ambitions."
Ji Shuqin was taken aback. After a long while, as if confirming something, he looked at Ji Shumin and said, "Is this what Min'er desires? Min'er has things she wants to do and ambitions she wants to fulfill."
Ji Shumin didn't suppress the fact that he could see it. He interlaced his fingers and leaned back slightly, relaxed. "Just as my elder brother said, I was born and raised in the palace. As the crown prince, this scene has been playing out in my mind countless times since I was a child..."
“But after all I’ve done, everyone is now telling me: You have to let go, you can’t do it, you can’t succeed.”
“Min’er…” Ji Shuqin looked at his legs, not knowing how to comfort him.
“Brother, I can’t let go.” Ji Shumin tilted his head and smiled faintly and frankly: “Brother, you don’t think I’m being delusional or fanciful, do you?” he asked casually.
“I… believe that Min’er is capable of doing it.”